I'm still alive after three nights of watching Henyo, my brother's Net cafe. No sign of the thug who pwned all that time - I'm still not letting my guard down, though.

I know, I know I've let you down.
I've been a fool to myself.
I thought I could
live for no one else
But not through all the hurt and pain.
It's time for me to respect
the ones you love
mean more than anything.
So with sadness in my heart
I feel the best thing I could do
is end it all
and leave forever.
What's done is done, it feels so bad.
What once was happy now is sad.
I'll never love again
my world is ending.

I wish that I could turn back time
cos now the guilt is all mine.
Can't live without the trust from the ones you love.
I know we can't forget the past
you can't forget love and pride,
because of that it's killing me inside.

It all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down.
it all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down.
In my heart of hearts,
I know that I could never love again.
I've lost everything,
everything
that matters to me,
matter in this world.

I wish that I could turn back time
cos now all the guilt is mine.
Can't live without
the trust from those you love.
I know we can't forget the past.
You can't forget love and pride,
because of that, it's killing me inside

It all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down.
It all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down.
It all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down.
It all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down.

Seems apt for my life right now. "Can't live without the trust from ones you love." I wonder how long they will, when they see how hopeless I really am.

This is my last-person seen post. If no one has heard from me via SMS, e-mail, or landline phone for an extended time, it means I might have suffered an untimely demise while tending the Internet cafe in the Pantranco area.

In fairness, getting wiped off the face of the planet by some low-life thug won't be too big a ripple in the cosmic sea. I'll be missed by few people, only my girlfriend and family will cry at my funeral. My girlfriend because she loves me no matter what a worthless bum I am, and my family because of all the cash, effort, and time they poured into me getting a college degree which I had to screw up even further by dying without their permission.

So what has my life been? My life, loath I am to admit it, is defined by whatever people I have in my circle. I am an incurable gamer, and if they had a Bachelor of Science in Gaming I'd have graduated with honors. My life is revolves around accomodating my friends, my girlfriend, trying unsuccessfully time and again to get a college degree, and gaming.

I've self-taught myself katakana, forgotten most of my Spanish and Italian, and since a very young age fluent in both English and Filipino. I've spent the past three or four years trying to get a bachelor's degree in Library and Information Science, clearing all my major subjects in two years only to be bogged down for another two years by the thesis proposal. Life doesn't get suckier than that. I'd say it sucks to be me, but I've got a great girlfriend (the best in the world), I'm still more or less in one piece (though my teeth beg to differ), and I'm still not living in the streets.

I should have tried to go to Creative Writing, or Mass Communication, or Journalism when I got out of Engineering. Why I chose Library and Information Science, I'll never remember exactly. Maybe it was because they didn't have a GWA requirement when I was looking for a college to take me in before the University of the Philippines kicked my ass out after two semesters of being a non-major. Do I regret my choice? I could say I don't. I made a new friend shifting into the Institute of Library and Information Science, despite the Institute's refusal to allow me to graduate.

That's not really fair to the Institute who took me in when the others wouldn't. In fairness, I'm still lost as a freshman, despite being in college for six years already. I'm living in Avenue Q, and my friends do too. But you have to wonder at your department, when your thesis proposal panel tells you during the discussion that the University paper is looking for writers for its literature section. It makes one wonder what to think.

My current life is being sucked away by a corporation more powerful than Microsoft, more eBill than Gates - Banpresto. Curse their SRW line! If I was to create my own major and degree, I'd be Ph. D. in Simulation Role Playing Games, Major in Super Robot Wars. Oh, Kingdom of Loathing comes in second place for draining my time, my blog last.

All in all, this post just wants to say, if I haven't posted in an obscenely long time and people haven't heard from me, I've been killed by some semi-educated lowlife in Pantranco while I was tending the Internet cafe my brother owns. Knock on wood.